


nowhere now, but here

by weasleyey (svpportive)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Era, M/M, MWPP, Marauder's Era, Mutual Pining, i'd like to say remus is especially exasperated nd emo here, the overthinking gay energy jumped out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-08-23 10:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svpportive/pseuds/weasleyey
Summary: Each time Sirius invites himself along or purposefully makes alone time with him, Remus' heart seems to rise and drop simultaneously, because he knows the real reason it's happening.





	nowhere now, but here

**Author's Note:**

> if ur also a gay idiot like these two feel free to chime tf off !! rgkjlbebkrj anyways hope u like this its maybe the most self-indulgent thing ive ever written.

 

It’d taken him nearly seven whole years, but James Potter had finally gotten into Lily Evans’ good graces. He’d faced giving up their more lewd pranks and being appointed Head Boy, but he’d gotten there in the end.

And Remus can definitely tell, not only by the lovestruck awe James’ face still shows when he returns from Head meetings, but also by the antsiness practically radiating off of Sirius as another week passes without Evans calling James an twat.

It’s not that Sirius is upset about the development. On the contrary, other than the significant ribbing that came with being forced to hear about the same girl for years, Sirius has been supportive, which was a little surprising as they were all familiar with his jealous streak. But Remus knows that Sirius has always had some grudging respect for Lily, even back when they’d get into yelling matches over setting fires in the common room. He still calls her a swot, but there’s an element of admiration to it. No no, he is genuinely happy for James.

It’s more that now that James, his partner in crime, his brother in devilry, has effectively started courting Evans, he has much more free time. Not to mention the feeling of being replaced - no matter how invalid - must taste bitter.

Thus far he’s spent so much time in the library “studying for N.E.W.T.S” with Remus that even Madam Pince had given up all pretense and now glared at them with open suspicion. He comes along with him on his walks around the grounds, bounding along as Padfoot and forcing him to play fetch. Sirius even offered to go on a kitchen run for him when Remus had mentioned a craving for hot chocolate last night.

Not that Remus minds - in fact, it was quite the opposite, he feels guilty just thinking about how much he enjoys every second - but knowing that it’s because he just needs a distraction, something to do, puts a damper on it. Each time Sirius invites himself along or purposefully makes alone time with him his heart seems to rise and drop simultaneously, because he knows the real reason it's happening.

He doesn’t mind being the stand-in for James as the dynamics of the group shifts, but it does sting slightly. Each time he bids Sirius goodnight after yet another long winding talk about nothing he stops himself from counting the times the other boy had smiled at him crookedly or had laughed that _specific laugh_ , and really, it’s starting to take its toll.

Tonight they’re at the library once again, three hours past curfew in the Restricted Section. Remus is looking for a specific charm to enhance the Map, one of Hogwarts that is to be the Marauders’ love letter and parting gift to the school and its future pranksters. They’re under James’ dad’s cloak, and Sirius’ wand lights the titles of the books.

“Are you sure it’s in this row?” Sirius asks him, not bothering to whisper. Pince isn’t here after hours, and Filch usually doesn’t bother.

Remus shakes his head, skimming the back of _How to Find and Track Your Enemies in 10 Easy Steps_ , “Should be. I’d cast an _accio_ but some of these books here are temperamental to that sort of thing.”

“Do any of these look familiar at least?”

“Nope. It’d probably be better if I knew what it looked like, to be honest.”

Sirius nods knowingly, and looks back to skimming the titles. Remus doesn’t know why he came to be quite honest. This was the slower part of the job, and Sirius usually preferred the parts that involved more danger of explosion. They’d done missions with higher stakes with less people, like when they’d left Peter alone to figure out how to get ingredients for Blistering Solution out from Slughorn’s jinxed closet. Not to mention, James had been doing touch ups on his broom alone in the common room when they’d left, v _ery much not with Lily_. Sirius could've just stayed with him. _  
_

Remus pushes that thought process away before it can develop much further. He should simply enjoy the fact that Sirius was here at all, with him, and not off somewhere else.

It’s bugging him though, and Remus isn’t one to hold onto his problems, despite what it looks like with the lycanthropy and the general anxiety. Before he can appropriately overthink it through, his big mouth opens and he tumbles out, “Why are you here?”

Sirius raises an eyebrow from where he was poking the spine of a particularly tetchy book. “What do you mean? I’m here to get the spell for the Map with you, what else? You forget already, Longbottom?”

He rolls his eyes at the slight against Frank. In _for a Knut, I suppose_ , “I mean. It isn’t really necessary is it? Getting a book or two isn’t exactly a two-person job.”

Sirius clucks his tongue, seeming to shift tactics, “So what? I was dead bored and I’d rather be down here to keep you company, Moony.”

“Yes but- that’s my point. You’ve been ‘keeping me company’ quite a lot more recently, and I know why.”

Moonlight from one of the overhead windows filtered in, putting him half-in and out of the light. Sirius looks stricken, which is an unexpected reaction. “You kn- why?”

Remus wishes he’d abandon the ruse. “Because James is spending more time with Evans and messing with the dynamic, and you feel left out. And I don’t usually mind being the replacement but-“

“Replacement?”

“Yes, now can you stop repeating everything I say?” he asks, frustrated, “I appreciate it, but I don’t want or need to be your second choice, Sirius. And you need to know - I won’t ever be James.”

“Second choice?” At Remus’ glare he grows defensive, “sorry, I’m only repeating out of sheer confusion. Moony, I’m not looking for a replacement for James. Not at all.”

He’s making some very direct eye contact, but when Remus tries to turn away Sirius grabs the hand not holding the Cloak. “Sure, I’ve got more time on my hands now that Prongs is finally leaving me alone, but I’m not expecting you to _be_ him. I’ve been spending so much of it with you because honestly, I’ll take every minute I can with you.

“Remus, I know I’ve been a little annoying - inviting myself everywhere with you to just have another chance to make you laugh - but that’s my own desperation showing through.”

Remus looks down at their shoes, and at his hand that Sirius is gripping. It still doesn’t add up, and whatever guesses he has bubbling up he shoves back down. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, Moony, that I’m in love with you. To a _very_ embarrassing amount.”

Sirius is grinning at him, as soft as ever with trepidation shining through. Remus tries to return it, the sentiment, but his heart is caught in his throat, and he can’t get past “I”. So he does the next best thing.

Which is to drop the books and the Cloak and gather Sirius’ face in his arms and kiss him, conveying his feelings better than any words could.

Sirius responds enthusiastically, and Remus feels lighter than he’s ever felt. It’s like letting out a long-held breath and taking off your uncomfortable shoes, like coming home from a long day and drinking hot tea and feeling it in your stomach. Mostly, it just feels like being bathed in the feeling of making Sirius laugh. He feels energized and delightfully sleepy all at once.

As they stop for a breath, a thought niggles into Remus’ brain and he can’t resist checking, “So you’re not doing this- _this_ out of jealousy right? Cause of James and Lily getting their-”

“Moony, I love James,” Sirius is still smiling but he rolls his eyes and plays with the hair at Remus’ nape, “but if you say his name one more time while I’m kissing you I _will_ have to kill him.”

Remus smiles, “Fair enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> songs from quesadilla by walk the moon ! im lupinblacks on tumblr, so come say hi if u liked this and if u didnt u can still come say hi i guess


End file.
